Thursday, November 16, 2006

Ok, I'm tired

Since I'm back from SG I feel so down. For whatever a real reason, there are few I wanna mention.
My work at Law Firm really suck me up. I couldn't even rest for my break time. Not that I can't but it's just everything is in a need and rush. So I just gotta do it for god sake, or maybe mine. The work is not really difficult but I need concentration. People just don't give me that. They keep talking, laughing, shouting, and bla bla bla. I don't blame them but just wonder why I could not just forget the noise and do the work. I lost my talent now :( Not to show off, I used to work easily whenever I want to no matter how much noise and many people around me. But no more now. Well, NVM. I still can finish those work in time. Yet after that, my head is aching.
Leaving Firm doesn't mean I can rest, I still need to do another job, that is teaching. I sometimes think, I decided wrongly; however, some other time, it tells me that I am lucky to be able to do this I-don't-like-thing. Though I haven't yet started do big thing for this teaching but the feeling does tired me. It keeps running through my head, I'm going to stand there with many pairs of eyes watching me, thinking what the hell is she doing here? OMG, I can't think of what's going to happen when I start to panic and sweat. Ok, Take a deep breath, exhale it when your count reach number 10. Do it three times and everthing will be just fine. Smiles to the world and so will they :)
Among the three things I'm doing, I like being a student the most. Why? I can always tell the reason. It's because I can have sometimes to relax. However, relaxing would not always be for studying cos there always are barriers to overcome in order to improve our ability. So here it goes, presentation and assigment are awaiting for me. Thanks god for they are not individual work. Not to mention, there are two small individual writing. Forget it! I'm so stressed out with the word, working. Not working as working but working as doing the work in the name of student. I do wanna do a great job and make everyone sees and knows that I can do sth. It's not a waste to have me as a group member but oh dear! When can I have time to do it? I can't spare a moment to discuss; on the contrary, I'm trying to. Tmr at 6.30pm the discussion will be held.
These are things I currently working on. I'm tired and losen up my family connection. I always have a kiss and hug from MUM each time I come and leave home. Totally 6times a day. But now, even one might not be able to have already. She's getting old and her health is not good. My work time is loaded that I usually come home late. She sometimes gone to bed, she sometimes stay in order to meet me. So I rarely meet her. For dad, sometimes for few days in a row, never met even once. I lost the warmness when there's no him to touch my head, give me advise, and tell me I always am a good daughter.
Sorry, I could no longer tell you more. I'm being too emotional. This is not the old-me. I wish I could turn back the time. Anyway, this is not a good closing but it, at least, tells you it's the end of what I'm writing.

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