I surrender. My positive attitude failed me. I did all I could think would work. I tried and there's no difference. I run out of idea, I run out of hope, I run out of courage, I run out of strength. Why am I still holding on when I see no change? Why should I still believe that the future could be different?

I hate myself right now. I hate that I let myself be in this situation. I hate that I am the one who hurts myself. I hate that I make myself get used to pain. 

Do me a favor and lie to me that I'm doing just fine.Won't you?