Saturday, July 11, 2009

The Unheard Voice

I have so many things to say. Let's start with 'I no longer like you'. Well, then I doubt if I have ever liked you since the first place. 'I'm sorry, this sounds really hash.', 'I know this is the least you expect to hear from me'. My memory brought me the picture of you and me, together laughing and having a good time. I closed my eyes. I told myself, this is not a time to be weak. This is not a time to be emotional. This is a time to get it done. So, I opened my eyes and continued, 'I just think, this might be an easy way for you to understand why I am telling you this'. Looking at you, I picture the pain stepping through your heart. I almost stop there and pretend that it was just a joke. But no, this is not gonna be anther time that I have to lie myself for your happiness alone. It's time to get you to know me better. 'After going through times together with you, I found so many differences', further say I. 'And that differences cannot be tollerated with my personality'. I paused. You look curious of what I was going to say next. 'I can't stand your behavior', 'I can't stand the fact that you are so ignorance of my feeling', 'I can't stand hearing your unwanted statement', 'I can't stand your not-at-all-understanding', 'I can't stand hearing your voice', 'I can't stand...'. I stucked. Your confused look horified me. Are you really that innoccent, I questioned myself. Well, I knew it. I just somehow didn't expect such a blank from you. 'Alright, cut it short, I just wanna get out of your life', 'And one advise, don't repeat the mistake', 'It's annoying!'...

I closed the curtain and got myself into bed. Staring at the dawn light, I complainted to myself, 'You know, this is not the first time you are doing this'.

I am gone for another nightmare again. Six months was not enough, just yet.

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